Random thoughts.

I feel nothing at the moment. The only thing on my mind is finish my 5000 word extended project; of which I have written 600 and something words. Nice right. This week has gone by so fast. I finished reading Along For The Ride by Sarah Dessen, and upon doing so I was thinking of adding a book review blog to the three blogs I already have, and find hard-ish to maintain. I guess it just gives me something to do to fill my time. I don't know why I stopped blogging when I was in year 10 and deleted all my old posts, oh yes actually I remember, the boy I had some feelings for, and wrote stuff about found my blog. Ultimate cringe I know right. I found I really enjoy blogging. It feels like it just comes so naturally to me: the whole process of putting down your thoughts, unfiltered, exposed but not exposed; well that is depending on who reads the blog posts. Which brings me to this, I do not know if I want anyone to read my blog; frankly I don't know if anyone would really care to read my not-so-whiny blog. it should be fun to see how this pans out.
Another thing I have realised, is that my own company is my best company. There's no pressure to try to hard to be anything else but myself, to try to fit in of some sort. I can just be at peace with a novel in hand, some music, my own thoughts and lastly the atmosphere of nothingness filled with something special- myself. It is difficult to think that people can just go on and on without taking out a brief moment to stop and appreciate the things around them. To just reflect. To breathe. No matter how short or insanely long this brief moment is; I just think it is needed. I don't think I would advertise this blog. It should be my little space, and for whomever I choose to share it with. :)

Some Infinities are Greater than other infinities.

Life is supposed to be a continuous process. Right? Right. I've been seventeen for some time now; and it still seems like I'm stuck somewhere. Every year on my birthday, I tell myself "This year Laolu, is going to be different"; WHERE IS THE DIFFERENCE?! Its seems I go in a continuous circle, round and round and round, until I get so tired I decide to just fully leave things as they are, and then it seems like I'm stuck again. I don't know what I'm stuck on. Its more personal than relationships, more personal than my love for love, more personal than even my love for motion, which seems to put me in a ranging variety of places. I am not saying I'm completely clueless on my current situation; No, I just think there is more to life than I allow myself to find.

It seems this one boy has entirely engulfed my thinking, but it also seems he only comes back to my mind after a break up with someone else or when I feel like there is no one else. This is not me whining about how I have no boyfriend or whatever. It is simply me, saying, wondering what this boy's significance is to me. I mean no doubt, when we talk, its good: we talk for days, about anything and everything; this probably sounds like such a cliche but its true. I allow myself to tell him stuff, and even now when something happens I still want to tell him, just for his reaction; lol, and the hilarious convo that might come out of it.
I am not stuck on this boy, nope, I simply enjoy this boy. Yes that is the word, enjoy. 3 years now of on and off. Broke up with him twice, and now I feel nothing is as good as the third try, however, I don't even know if I want him or if its just the urge for someone to talk to passionately (and I don't even know if I have that). \
I am a strong willed person, but I just cannot be in competition with other girls for a boy. I would rather give up on such a fight than reduce myself to that- one learns this the hard way lol.
My life is continuous. My imagination is a roller-coaster of everything and my actions, once made are probably deeper than I expected them to be. As, I really do not expect people to be so affected by the things I do, or don't do. This as all other things in life, one learns the hard way.
I have my own little infinity of life-living to learn these. And I am glad I am aware of myself and most especially, others who are affected by myself. Its a whirlwind of a life, these teenage years.